 I had a really interesting meeting the other day with a wonderful psychologist and we were discussing the differences we see between coaching and psychology. Many things came to the table, but the most remarkable conversation was around what we believed possible for our clients.
A coach steps into any environment with the absolute belief that anyone can change. We believe every single breathing human being has the potential to improve their situation regardless of their history or individual challenges. As a coach I see my role largely as taking the ‘box’ off people’s heads; this is the box of familiarity, of rules, of guidelines and beliefs they have been living within. It’s our comfort zone that we are afraid to leave and while living in this box are unable to change our current situation.
While we stay inside this box, we are playing life in a very small arena, but once we are able to recognise the box and remove it, a world of possibilities opens up. We remove the limitations and the excuses and focus on what is possible and what we are capable of creating for ourselves.
Once the box is removed, people experience a level of happiness they had often forgot existed. The point is most of us are living with conditions and beliefs that aren’t supporting us and helping us to become better people.
How can we identify that and start to get it all working in our favour?
How is the box created? Some people create their own box through their experiences and challenges; they make rules for themselves from every day situations that may not have turned out the way they planned. For example, Jim phoned a girl he liked, and she laughed at him when he asked her out. That’s a tough situation for Jim, so he made a rule there and then that he’d never put himself in any situation where anyone can laugh at him. So one side of the box was formed!
Some people have their boxes created for them by their parents or friends, and when they try something new or go out on a limb, a well meaning parent says “Oh, Jim, listen, I didn’t want to say anything, but I’d rather tell you than see you go through the pain. Girls are simply more trouble than they are worth. You’ll never understand women, and if you happen to marry, you’ll understand even less about them.” So another side of Jim’s box is formed!
Others simply find someone else’s box to use while they avoid the real issues. As Jim grew he looked on as his older brother went through relationship after relationship that ended in disaster. Jim made a mental decision that relationships definitely aren’t worth all the effort. Yet another side of the box is formed.
Every day in our lives we have choices, we are constantly faced with other people’s beliefs and opinions and we have essentially three choices.
1. Take on the belief at face value and live by it.
2. Reject the belief at face value and run in the opposite direction, or
3. Listen, reflect and try things on as you see fit. If it works for you and you’re able to achieve the results you desire, then stay with it. But, if it doesn’t work, try another approach.
Clearly the third option is the best alternative. So next time someone says that’s not possible ask them how they came to that conclusion, and if it’s really the best belief to help them become a better person. You may just rock their whole world!
If your life is a little challenging or you would simply like a helping hand, please give me a call on 0409 224 303 and we can work through it together.
   
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