Smitten with the cruise bug
After 151 cruises it would be fair to say western Sydney resident Irene Robertson has the holidays-afloat bug. And its bite is clearly contagious.
The just-turned-90-year-old traces her love of luxury cruising to her first big adventure when she and husband Clive made the voyage to England in the P&O classic old girl, the Royal Mail Ship Strathmore.
Emerging from a stem-to-stern refurbishment after WWII duty as a troopship, the gleaming white Strathmore with its towering, slightly raked back, P&O iconic beige funnel would have been well-appointed for its time.
But compared to Irene's subsequent cruises in P&O legends like Oriana and Canberra and, more recently in the company's lavish Princess "brands" the Strathmore experience is a "remember-when".
Journalist Colin Kerr, editor of the Northern District Times was, by contrast, on his maiden voyage, aboard P&O's 70,300 tonne Pacific Jewel when he met Irene.
"Since 1952, Irene has taken a cruise at least once a year and in the past four years alone she has gone on 50," Kerr told YOL Travel.
"In the early years she travelled with her husband, then with her daughter Geraldine and, more recently, with her four grandchildren, all of whom have clocked up about 40 cruises each."
Irene's record is reckoned to be about double that of the next most prolific cruiser and on this cruise her incredible frequent customer status was marked with a presentation bottle of bubbly by the ship's "hotel director" Joshua Drayboll (pictured).
Irene has come to regard crew members of P&O ships cruising out of Sydney as "extended family" who always make her feel like she is home-away-from-home.
Her favourite destination is New Caledonia.
No Maccas, no supermarkets And (sh..sh..sh) No Internet!
As one who enjoys cruise programs punctuated by lots of shore time, I trawled Kerr's brain for his impressions of his introductory holiday at sea. Kindred spirit that he is, his most treasured memories are of P&O's shore programs … like Wala, Vanuatu. This is his report:
It is with some trepidation you step back in time when you land at Wala.
A generation ago the 300 people on this tiny island were cannibals, although these days their diet is far more like ours except that here there are no supermarkets - or McDonald's.
Life on Wala is enviably simple probably due to it having been spared the excesses of "civilisation". There is no electricity, no roads, no telephones and, blissfully, no internet.
There is, however, a growing appetite for the cruise ships like Pacific Jewel which call in when they visit the main tourist city and Vanuatu capital Port Vila. Pacific Jewel anchors in a deep channel and ferries passengers ashore.
The main tribe on Wala is the Small Nambas, named for the style of single dry leaf sheath and belt, made from purple pandanus fibres, that men wear. This distinguishes them from another tribe on neighbouring Malakula Island known as the Big Nambas for the larger, more elaborate sheaths for their private parts.
Fearsome warriors, maybe - if their nose bones, spears and clubs are any indication - but there is little to fear apart, perhaps, from getting too much sun.
Greeting the streams of good-time-seeking tourists pouring ashore are small groups of singers, some of them just children no older than six or seven, harmonising their traditional songs and performing some of their ritual dances and grateful for a donation.
The waters around Wala are clear and clean and, with visibility beyond 30 metres, snorkelling over the coral gardens with their rainbow-coloured fish is a necessary expedition.
Be warned, however: These are primitive people and quite modest, and expect visitors to dress modestly and heed the sacred or private status of some of their huts and other interesting sites.
When the sun goes down, the tourists file back aboard Pacific Jewel which hauls up anchor and sails away, leaving the Small Nambas to their paradise.
Graffiti … even in paradise
Nothing's sacred . . . graffiti vandals have defaced ancient rock faces in Pacific paradise
We arrived at the New Caledonian island of Lifou on a Tuesday which was just as well because the locals had been fully occupied the previous day which, under chiefly edict, was the last day until May next year, for anyone to get married.
The chief doesn't live on the island any more but works in Noumea, four hours away, in a buzzing city where tribal culture seems a long way off.
(He had become one of the island's 36 chiefs ruling over the 10,000 inhabitants by patriarchal lineage which our group of female tour guides clearly thought was politically incorrect, sniggering their disapproval).
While parts of Noumea, have a distinctly French ambience, Lifou is proudly Kanak, their Melanesian society based on a tight clan structure and close affinity with their land which, unlike most Pacific islands, does not rise very high out of the ocean.
The island's shallow soil now produces commercial crops of copra and vanilla.
Tourism is fast becoming one of the main sources of revenue for the Loyalty Islands, blessed with breathtakingly beautiful scenery, crystal clear water and marine marvels.
The locals are wearing cardigans and scarves to keep warm in what they regard as a 24 deg C "tropical chill".
Most of the shore tour programs are for snorkelling or visiting the villages and historic churches, mostly within walking distance of the jetty. (A fleet of rustic and rusting taxis and mini-vans awaits those who want to venture further into the island and its history dating back to the arrival of Captain Cook in 1774.)
The sleepy main township of We hugs the cove called the Baie de Chateaubriand, but the tender sirloin of that name is more likely to be found back on board the Pacific Jewel's Waterfront Restaurant or the new Salt Grill, operated on this trip by celebrity chef Luke Mangan.
The adventurous choose shore tours to abseiling into a waterfall or along the awesome cliffs of Jokin. The 12km ride in a mini-van to the most northern tip of Lifou unveils a jagged headland.
It took millions of years of weather to shape that gnarled outcrop - but, sadly, it took just a few minutes for graffiti vandals to shimmy down and spray paint their multi-coloured initials and tags all over it. This happens every day in the don't-give-a-damn city, but here, in this quiet, still cutely-primitive place, it seems like an indictment on human disregard for the marvels of nature.
The signpost at the clifftop brings you back to reality - "civilisation" of Sydney is 1500 km away; Paris, 19,600 km; and, if you needed to know, 12,454 to the North Police.
OOPS! Before we leave the subject of cruising, our September feature on bargains afloat quoted a price of $5289 for a 21-night Sydney-Hong Kong itinerary aboard Queen Mary 2 (in 2012).
We reckon it's still a bargain at the actual price of $5829.
During my recent incapacity with a broken ankle, I had to forego a visit to an interesting elephant survival program in Thailand's north. David Ovens, who made the trip, filed this report:
From back-scrubs to breeding It's all laid on at Mae Sa
There’s nothing like a relaxing tub and a good old back scrub after a hard day's work playing football, painting and otherwise amusing herds of curious tourists - and the Asian elephants who reside near Chiang Mai in northern Thailand don't mind at all if they stay to watch bath time as well.
The elephants, young and old, trundle into the fast-flowing Mae Sa River and roll on to their sides so their mahouts (trainers and handlers) can climb up and get on with the scrubbing with good, stiff brushes. The process also helps remove bothersome ticks and other parasites from those leathery hides.
Bath time is a daily ritual at the Mae Sa elephant camp, where up to 80 pachyderms entertain visitors by ramping up a scratch soccer game.
It ís all part of a show in which the elephants dance, play darts and show off their professional timber milling skills - even pamper their mahouts with a good back massage with a meaty foot as part of the program. (A version of you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours?)
Unlike their dour and more difficult to train African cousins, Asian elephants are quick learners.
No longer employed in Thai timber milling and other traditional work activities, many of Thailand’s elephants are under stress, unable to find sufficient food to bolster their mighty frames.
Those which make it to bustling downtown Bangkok can become a problem. Some are even taken to the city by mahouts who can make extra cash by selling tourists bananas and sugarcane they can feed to the elephants.
The placid pachyderms of Mae Sa have no such problems. Relatively, this is some kind of elephant heaven.
Established in 1976 the Camp bought elephants from all over the kingdom to help ensure the future of the species. Their home, flanking a rushing river in a lush tropical valley is a mere 20 minutes drive from Chiang Mai, Thailand’s key northern city.
In just over 100 years the Thai elephant population has shrunk from more than 100,000 to less than 5000 today. The long-term future of Thailand's national emblem remains a matter of some concern.
The skilful breeding program at Mae Sa uses only the best bulls and cows and shows promise for the future. Their assured daily diet of six tonnes of bananas, sugarcane and special grasses and herbs makes Mae Sa a much-preferred option to a hand of dubious quality bananas in a Bangkok alley.
* Venture Holidays currently has a range of four-night packages which can be added to any Thai holiday itinerary including a full-day tour visiting Maesa, a Meo hill tribe village, the Queen Sirikit Botanical Gardens and lunch from about $82 pp, with 50 per cent discount for children.
Inquire via 08-8238-4511 orwww.ventureholidays.com.au.
Take your clubs on safari
Player's dream. Fancourt, designed by Gary Player, helps make South Africa a great new holiday destination for golfers
Playing one or several courses designed by golfing legend Gary Player is sufficient reason to consider mixing and matching the royal and ancient game with an African safari holiday.
The great man's involvement and encouragement has endowed South Africa with a wealth of world-class golf facilities, not least of which is the course at Fancourt Country Club Estate at new golf capital, George, on the east coast.
Cape Town and the Western Cape offer visitors a smorgasbord of courses in majestic settings. The mild climate and the spectacular coastal scenery of the famous Garden Route makes this unique stretch of South Africa, a golf paradise. Fancourt (pictured) is consistently ranked in the nation's top 10.
The Eastern Cape also has a selection of fine, scenic courses with the sub-tropical coastline of KwaZulu Natal rated one of the country's prime golf destinations. The Durban Country Club already has an international following as frequent host to the South African Open.
To address growing demand here, Sydney-based African holiday specialist Bench International now has a dedicated desk to produce safari/golf packages, the latter segment handled by the South African group easyGolf, an offshoot of the company which has operated the Shongololo rail safari itineraries throughout southern Africa for the last 16 years.
More details from Bench International at 1800-221-451 or 02-9290-2877. | 
